He Makes Beautiful Things

Out of us...even me. 

This song has been drumming through my brain for two weeks.  Maybe it will convince me soon.  For your viewing and listening pleasure: Beautiful Things

This paltry artistic styling brought to you by listening to this song on repeat.  Enjoy.  

We're Not In Kansas Anymore...

But we are in Asheville for the foreseeable future.  I'm still not sure my brain has fully accepted the fact that I will not be going back to Fulton, IL anytime soon.  Most likely not until we either have to find new renters or sell the house finally.  I am however, certain that this is going to be an adjustment.
Don't get me wrong, I am 1000% certain that leaving Fulton as fast as we could possibly do so was the best decision we could have made in that situation.  I am also 1000% certain that this is going to take some time for me to settle in to.  A friend of mine asked how we were settling in.  I said fine, because that's what you do when people ask that question.  The real answer has significantly more nuance.

I am equal parts excited, terrified, exhausted, energized stressed, happy, depressed, optimistic, anxious, worried and weary.  It kind of depends on the day really.  Today was not a great one and the great mystery of mysteries is why.  I woke up late, ate a good breakfast, had Dunkin Donuts Coffee, ate a good lunch, spent time on the front porch with the dog, read a good book and looked at my beautiful wife, held her hand and kissed her when I felt like it.  But instead of this being a great day, I'm not feeling too hot.  Maybe it's because it was cloudy this morning.  Probably not though.

IN the end it doesn't matter.  This is life and sometimes life is great but our feelings are not.

Here's what I am going to try to focus on: we have entered an incredibly exciting time in our lives, we have each other (even when im a grumpy bum, or perhaps especially then, this gets me through each day), we have family that loves and cares for us even to the extent of opening their home to us for the summer, Tillman, and last and most important, God hasn't forgotten us yet.  Not even when I have been a grumpy bum.  Not even when I have been so panicked that I can't breathe.  Not even when I turned to anything but Him for help.  Not even at the lowest of my lows back in the hellscape that was most of 2010.  Megan has her stories too.  But God never left us.  Christ never left us.  The Spirit never left us.  So even on days like today, when the last thing I won't to do is be happy or hopeful (or maybe its that its the last thing I think I can be), I am going to rejoice and be glad to the best of my ability because God hasn't forgotten us yet.  He won't forget us now.  He will never forget us at any point in our lives nor any point in all eternity.  How do I know this?   Read the two books of the Kings.  If God can send Jesus to save his people after all of that, We are good.

As I was labeling this post, a Scripture bombarded my brain.  Psalm 136.  A passage in which the phrase "His Steadfast love endures forever," is repeated 26 times.  Each verse either demands we give thanks, or lists a reason why we should.  Verse 23 and 24 are the most relevant for today:

"It is he who remembered us in our low estate,
    for his steadfast love endures forever;
24 and rescued us from our foes,
    for his steadfast love endures forever;"

Today, even though I don't feel like it, not even a little, I will give thanks to the Lord of Lords and praise the King of Kings.  Why?  Because I have a woman who loves me, often more than I love myself, His steadfast love endures forever.  Because I have a furry, goofy, 85lb toddler named Tillman who sat next to me the last two months and asked nothing of me but to pet him and feed him and let him chew on my shoes (two out of three was apparently okay), His steadfast love endures forever.  Because in the midst of the pain and torment of the last two years of ministry, God showed me who I really am again and reminded me that what others say about me, or more often what I say about myself, isn't nearly as important as what God says about me, His steadfast love endures forever.  

His steadfast love endures forever.  

Wherever you are right now, say it with me so people can hear you.  His steadfast love endures forever.  

Rejoice and be glad friends, for His steadfast love endures forever.  

More to  come tomorrow, or whenever I feel like it.  

Told you

Tillman is adjusting nicely.  Life is really good right now.  God is even better. 

I Used To Be A Pastor

I used to be a pastor.  Depending on how you look at it, I might still be one.  No matter the validity of those two statements,  I will definitely be one again.


The last 2 and some odd years have been...well...something.  I have been beaten down and built back up.  Betrayed and beloved.  Lost and found.  Marred and married.  Depressed and delighted.  Anxious and at peace.  The details of the last few years are really not the point, even if sometimes they are.  The point is what I have learned, am learning and will yet learn in the days, weeks, months and year to come.  While I am probably never going to be "not a pastor," I am also not currently a pastor.  Confused yet?

I was ordained in September of 2011, therefore, I am a pastor.  I recently left/ was forced out of my most recent call in Fulton, IL, therefore I am no longer a pastor.  I, with the support of my incredible wife, Megan, have made the decision to actively NOT seek a call for one year.  That's what this blog is mostly going to discuss.  This year.  This 365 ( now 351) days with out the title "Pastor" before my name.  But, who am I kidding afterall, it will also be about the last few years from time to time.

This is what this blog will be.  Rambling.  Coherent.  Daily. Less than daily.  Biased. Balanced.  Filled with pain.  Filled with rapturous joy.  Grammatically correct.  Except for when it isn't.  Happy.  Sad.  Everything in between.  Dog pictures.  Drawings.  Music.  Prose.  Maybe a poem or two.  Maybe more.  Lifting successes.  Also failures.  Hiking and climbing.  The writing style will often be best described as "pretty good for a middle schooler," or maybe it is just "artistic."  Probably the first one, though.  Sometimes the entries will be good and sometimes they will be god awful.

 True.  Always true.  I very likely could have saved you some time by just starting there.  Sorry about that.

God has called me and my family into a great unknown adventure.  A year can bring incredible, almost unbelievable, amounts of change.  A year can be good, it can be bad, it can be ugly and it can be all three at once or none of them at all.  This blog is intended to be a study of what a year can be and what God can do in 365 (351 at this point) days.  It will probably just end up being a collection of pictures of my dog and my wife, weights I lift and mountains I climb.  It will probably not be any of that most of the time.

Tune in tomorrow, or as soon as I get to it, for more on how this year came about.  Tune in the next day, or whenever I get to it,  for more about what I hope this year will be.  Tune in the day after that, or...well, you get the point...for pictures of Tillman in the woods.

Until whenever "tomorrow" ends up being, know that we are okay and will be even better next year.  How do I know that?  Because I have seen a glimpse of what God can do, and I know that he can and will do it again and again.  Always and forever.  Forever and always.  Whether any of us deserve it or not.  Thanks be to God.  Amen.

(That's my wife and my dog. Outside of Jesus, they are about the only "things" that matter to me right now.  Them and lifting really heavy things.)